I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
