I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
