I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Just invented taco cereal.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
