You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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