Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
