What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
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i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
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Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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