I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
