ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
