When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
