My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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