Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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