He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
