You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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