i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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