Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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