He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
