I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
