i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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