we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
