dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
