She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
