from now on my penis is your penis
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
i now understand why vodka
After tacos, we're chasing women.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
