I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
