This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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