my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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