why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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