I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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