Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
