I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
