I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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