guys are only as good as the porn they watch
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
