it was like eating out sand paper
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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