I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
So many bounce houses so little time
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
