Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
