there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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