i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
