Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
