if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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