I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
