Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
