Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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