I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
