He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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