Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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