If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
