After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
