Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
