I'm gonna have a badass scar
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
