i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
