I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
