So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
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Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
where are you?
Hypothermia
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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