I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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