Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
