That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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