it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
