You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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