Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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