butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
