you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
