im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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