Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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