she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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