btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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