i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
