my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
