I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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