I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
