Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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