You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
