Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Randomize
