i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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