He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
